PATIENCE

Five years ago, a good friend from Michigan gave me a copy of the book Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss, MD. Some might find it strange because it is about reincarnation.

Brian Weiss was the Chairman of the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Miami when a young woman, a medical technologist at the University’s hospital, was referred by her boyfriend, a pediatrician and a friend and colleague of Dr. Weiss. This woman had increasing anxiety to the point she was self-isolating. Her boyfriend encouraged her to seek professional advice and after a time, she did.

Dr. Weiss couldn’t identify any valid reasons for her anxiety. Her life was good and so was her career. So he finally decided to utilize hypnosis to see what he might discover. He was blown away to find that she had been reincarnated and the cause of death was the source of some of her anxiety. Long story short, in the process of several years, he discovered she had had more than 80 different reincarnations, the cause of death from each one contributing to her collective anxiety. Processing each of these, she gradually became well and functional once again.

During one of the sessions, the so-called “masters” spoke to Dr. Weiss through the patient telling him that they wanted him to know about this and that he should enlighten others. Dr. Weiss writes that he risked his professional reputation and integrity by publicly speaking and publishing the book about this. But he had spoken with other therapists including the dean of a medical school, who said they had also seen this phenomenon but felt it was too “out there” to openly discuss.

The “masters”- themselves higher level beings – told Dr. Weiss that the purpose of each lifetime is to learn some big lesson. Once learned, one moves on and processes with the masters in a state of limbo between lifetimes, then comes back for the next lesson carrying with him or her the wisdom of the past. Hence we recognize some people as “old souls.” In fact I was told some years ago I was “an old soul” by another friend who was from India where reincarnation is widely appreciated and said “You’ve been around a few times.” I didn’t know how to take her statement at the time, but I think I understand better now in this context.

Anyway, for me the book was sufficiently convincing with stories that gave strong credibility to this woman’s past lives, that I am a believer in the possibility. The book is definitely worth a read if you’re interested in the topic. Dr. Weiss has gone on to not only write other books on reincarnation, but creating training sessions for therapists.

I had a chance to meet up with my friend who gave me the book in Michigan in June 2018, two months before she died. She was 77 and knew the end was near given pulmonary issues and being reduced to breathing with oxygen tanks at her side. She had a wicked sense of humor and so when we sat down to visit, I said, “OK… See you in the next life!” We had a good laugh and then I asked her ”But, seriously, tell me, what do you think your life lesson was in this lifetime?” Her reply was immediate. “I have no doubt. It was remorse.”

My friend had had a sad life first losing her husband in the Vietnam War, then three of her four children. She realized she had made some mistakes along the way and held all this close with guilt and shame. In reality, she was one of the kindest people I have encountered, But we are always hard on ourselves and this was her perception.

Since, I’ve asked myself what is it that I must learn in this lifetime? Recently, I’ve had some illuminating thoughts on the topic.

Moving to France was huge. It was the fulfillment of a long-held dream. Most everyone who has known me for any length of time knows that. As exciting as it was and as happy as I am with the decision, the whole process was stressful. I’ve adjusted and believe strongly that I would not have made a different decision.

I have been co-teaching the first French class I started in January 2020 with a native French woman. We’ve gotten to the point where we need native input to strengthen our conversational skills. She recently handed me a copy of Peter Mayle’s book A Year in Provence in French: Une année en Provence. She thought it would be good for me to re-read it in its French version and she was right. It has been easy enough and in even the very first few pages, my heart was reignited with the romance that Peter Mayle found living here. It’s true. France steals one’s heart. Easily. I suppose that is why the country remains one of the top tourist destinations in the world. There isn’t a part of France that doesn’t have its own beauty. Add to it the culture, the history, the language, the cuisine, and the mix is magical. Even the people and la politesse about which I’ve described before – that politeness in society where every man, woman and child is respected with polite gestures upon meeting and departing – there is the realization that this is living at its best. Honestly, I can’t imagine better anywhere else.

While reading the book has been relatively easy, there were enough new verbs and vocabulary that I gave her copy back and bought my own to mark it up. Learning French requires a lot of work – and patience.

Last night my friends Gayle & Bernard had a neighborhood Fête des Amis for their numerous neighbors. They live on a cul-de-sac and usually tables are set up right on the street. It’s a potluck and everyone convenes for an evening of convivial conversation, good food and drink. Chantal and I were invited and it was glorious. The weather was spectacular. But I was reminded of la politesse as neighbors came and went. The perfunctory Bonjour was a constant and so was the Au revoir. Some of the neighbors didn’t know one another so when that was the case, the newcomer introduced themselves and related where they lived. This is how to build community and it was wonderful to be a part of the Fête. We enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. Once again, the French do it right.

Thus la politesse, among so many other things, continues to reinforce my decision for a new life in France and I am grateful.

At the same time, at events like these when there are multiple conversations that challenge one’s hearing, the language sometimes becomes incomprehensible. And frustrating. So what is my life lesson? What is it that I need to learn?

I’ve often said that there is always something to learn. It doesn’t matter how old one is. In the process of human observation, new conclusions can always be drawn. Being here and having to undertake renovation projects chez moi has taught me some lessons. What I’ve concluded is what I need to learn is patience.

Things don’t work the way they do in the US. It is far more difficult to get a driver’s license. For me, that process took nearly two years. Upon moving to France, it was first a question of setting up a bank account, then the utilities, buying a car, getting auto and homeowner’s insurance, then validating the initial visa with a medical and language evaluation in Montpelier and setting up health care in the French system. Each task at times felt like an insurmountable obstacle. Not that I am complaining because I believe bureaucratic tasks are actually well-organized in France. It was more the lack of familiarity that made things seem overly difficult.

I still need to renew the visa annually. And each time it requires submitting nearly a dozen different documents that prove stability living here (having a place to live, health insurance, and sufficient minimum financial assets). It all requires patience.

Within a year of moving to France, I had a leak in my roof. But I also detected that what was supposed to be humidity in the studio below my terrasse, was in fact several leaks from my deck. Sadly, I’ve had to pursue legal action and hopefully there will be resolution soon. I can’t say much more about that now because to do so could defame the defense, and defamation is a serious issue in France. But for this process, I’ve had to get estimates for repair and renovation of the terrasse and the studio. This is where I have decidedly learned patience.

I’ve had six different contractors (called entrepreneurs) come to my home to give me estimates (un devis). One gave what has been perceived as an inflated price and, when asked by the court to defend the estimate, he refused. Three others refused the work as it is too difficult. Several never officially got back to me. As time went on, it became evident they didn’t want the work. Sadly, this is what happens more than I would prefer. The communication from professionals is often lacking. To save embarrassment perhaps, this is the French way.

I’m still waiting on two more estimates. The problem is that the expert appointed by the court (an architect) submitted his final report late April. He criticized the inflated devis and redlined a number of items to the point where it is 35% of the original total. If the court accepts the reduced devis, I will be responsible for the balance. Hence my desire to secure additional estimates that will defend the higher costs. I’m still waiting and time is precious.

In my career as a physician assistant (PA), I worked in the field of addiction medicine. I was driven to it because of my father’s alcoholism. As a PA student, I had a rotation at Brighton Hospital in Brighton, Michigan, one of the first treatment centers in the US. It was a gift as I learned so much about the disease of alcoholism to say nothing about myself and my own behaviors growing up with what has been identified as having broad impact on family members and others whose life interact with the alcoholic or chemically-dependent individual. I ended up working at Brighton Hospital for a few years then later at Henry Ford Hospital Maplegrove in West Bloomfield, Michigan. Simultaneously and even later once I moved to New Jersey, I participated in Al-Anon (for family members and others) and learned many useful things, including how to take life as it comes.

Some of the best slogans of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and Al-Anon are “One day at a time” or “Let go and let God.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said these slogans to myself recently. While the entrepreneurs have been slow on delivery of their devis, I’ve had to let go and be patient – even though a decision from the court is imminent. There is only so much I can control. The rest is up to the Universe.

I’ve recently learned patience in one other way.

Last summer I first had a trip to Nice then Italy with my friend Jennifer to celebrate her birthday. Shortly thereafter I had my annual visit back to the US to celebrate my mother’s 96th birthday and see family in Florida and Atlanta. When I saw the photos, I wasn’t happy. Living in France where the food is so good – especially the pastries – and where I learned to make bread during the pandemic, didn’t do good things for my waistline. In fact, I weighed in the heaviest I have ever been. So it was time to do something about it.

Beginning last August, I started on the low-carb diet recommended by my physician in Atlanta. He himself had lost 114 lbs on this diet and one year I went in to see him and didn’t recognize him as he had lost so much weight. Once I committed to the diet, it didn’t take too long to shed the pounds. And the proof of its value was confirmed by my cholesterol, triglyceride and blood sugar levels that improved dramatically. Fats aren’t the issue. Sugar is. The research comes out of Duke University’s Bariatric Medicine program and my experience was consistent. Moving to France, however, there were too many temptations initially. Thankfully the photos from last summer made me realize I needed to do things differently. So upon my return from the US, I dug back into the low-carb regime and became rather obsessive about it to the point where I’ve had very few dinner parties so that I can maintain the rather strict regime.

There were social occasions where I broke the diet. Then came the holidays. So I cheated once in a while, but immediately stepped back into the regime of low-carbs. As a result, there have been ups and down as I weigh myself daily to keep myself on track. Rather than discouraging me, these weigh-ins are motivating. Yet one more lesson in patience as well as being kind to myself.

The good news is that two days ago I reached my goal. I’ve lost 34 pounds (15 kg) but have decided 5 more pounds are probably necessary. Given my body frame, I have a healthy BMI, but I still see room for improvement. Five more pounds should do it.

I have been building a digital library of French words for my classes. They are excellent visuals for teaching. I came across this:

“Patience isn’t the capacity of waiting, but the capacity to maintain a positive attitude while you are waiting.”

I am reminded that the lesson in patience for me extends to learning the French language – along with humility as there is always something to learn, especially with the grammar.

One of the things I have enjoyed the most are the walks in the surrounding vineyards with absolutely breathtaking views of the foothills, the various seasonal crops, and the Pyrenées themselves in the distance.

Last November I was walking my neighbors’ dog Jack, a high-energy Jack Russell Terrier, when I thought I had twisted my knee. Thinking it was a strain, I eventually consulted with my physician. He didn’t perceive any instability and after time, it became apparent I have Chondromalacia patella which is inflammation of the posterior aspect of the kneecap. Treatment includes anti-inflammatory medications and rest. I didn’t want long-term medications, so I opted for the rest. Six months later, it is much better though still not 100%. I can’t wait to get back to walking amongst the vineyards. Patience.

I’m not alone. Living in this part of the world, I have come to appreciate differently the farmers and winegrowers who are constantly forced to endure and have patience when it comes to their crops despite changes in the weather given global warming and with it, hail and low and high temperatures affecting their crops.

Patience. I’ve been forced to be patient waiting for renovation estimates. I’m learning patience as I continue to build proficiency in French. My knee is getting better and maybe I can start walking again before long. It took 10 months to reach my targeted weight. Except for the devis, the news is good. Here’s hoping the new devis are forthcoming, the work is soon completed, and I will once again have room enough to house family and friends desiring to visit.

Vive la France!