As with any society, there are definite rules in France. Perhaps the most important category is of the social nature. It is called La politesse (politeness). From an early age, children are taught to greet and interact with individuals they encounter, both young and old generating automatic Bonjours! all over the place. It’s actually very cute and something I admire very much about French society.
Here are some examples of messaging for children.
There are even manuals written on the subject, this being an old example.
To forget a Bonjour! is to be shunned. Ignore the Bonjour! and they will pretend you are not visible. When in France, never forget the Bonjour!
Even Voltaire had something to say about La politesse:
Politeness is in the mind. What grace is in the face. Of the goodness of the heart she is the sweet image. And it is the goodness that we seek.
Francois-Marie Arouet, dit Voltaire (1694-1778)
Adorable.
When you think back to the French Revolution and the slogan of Liberté, Égalité et Fraternité (Liberty, Equality & Fraternity), respect towards others no matter their rank in society was an imperative. Royals and bourgeois were shunned. The common man became an equal. And La politesse became further ingrained as an example of this equality.
The very word Monsieur is a contraction of Mon (My) and Sieur (Lord). And for women, Madame, Ma (My) Dame (Lady). Everyone in French society is a Lord or a Lady. Everyone is an equal and deserving of respect. It plays out beautifully in my opinion. If only all societies were so respectful! It works in France though there are skeptics who say it is only superficial. I’m sure this is partially true because such is human nature. But for the most part, people get along nicely and it is wonderful to see and experience.
There are also two levels of the French language, the formal and the familiar, and for which there are very distinct rules.
When first meeting people and particularly with those older or in positions of respect, one always uses Vous. When familiar, except for elders, one can use Tu. This is called vousvoyer and tutoyer. If you make a friend and they ask you to tutoyer them, they have essentially bestowed upon you an honor – allowing you to become familiar and a part of their inner circle so to speak.
For years, I have spoken formal French. Prior to living here, I’ve never been in a situation where I had intimate French friends I could tutoyer. Now that I’m here, there are such moments and I forget. Just ask Chantal! (This is for you, Chantal! 😁)
I met Chantal in June 2018. She did the previous owner a favor by showing me the house and, with her experience in real estate, helped me through the buying process. We have since become good friends and shared many cups of coffee or tea at the boulangerie, and dinners in and out. To help me get settled in, Chantal showed me where to shop and has organized day trips to various places in the region.
Chantal also coaches me with regard to my French and preparing for my classes, so I see her often. She helps with understanding the nuances between words and expressions, etc. For some time she has asked me to tutoyer her, but you can’t teach an old dog new tricks and I often forget. Which makes her mad. Because once invited, not to tutoyer can be interpreted as an insult.
Fortunately Chantal has a sense of humor and we both enjoy a good laugh. So I make my apologies when I forget, and try to tutoyer the next time. It’s not easy!
Chantal was also a star the House Hunters International program. If you didn’t see it, there is a link to the story here. We’ve had some great fun in the past two years!
For almost everyone else, I vousvoyer. So it is hard to remember and the formal is literally ingrained after more than 50 years of practice. Oh well…. I will try to do better. I promise, Chantal. 😏
From an administrative point of view, I find bureaucratic France to be well-organized and pretty functional. But there are definite rules there, too. Don’t follow them and your application will get rejected.
Most bureaucratic processes are becoming digitalized which makes fulfilling requirements for payment of taxes, securing a driver’s license, renewing visas, and managing health care less onerous. What is different is that things might take longer. Significantly longer.
Whereas I was able to go into the Division of Motor Vehicles in Florida and 30 minutes later walk out with a new license in hand, it can take 1-2 years in France, especially when the exchange is from a non-EU country.
If I had a choice on getting a French permis de conduire, I would most likely just ignore it. But I don’t. Once here as a permanent resident, it is mandatory to exchange one’s driver license within one year. Otherwise there are huge penalties, you become uninsurable, and are unable to drive. I know because my insurance agent has been asking me repeatedly if I have received the new license yet. They stay on top!
If the state from which you come does not have a reciprocity agreement, then you must start from scratch by first taking a supervised online exam. For that, you must have studied and know by heart the Code de la Route. The level of detail is astounding even including topics regarding mechanics, so it is far better and very fortunate to come from a reciprocating state.
Once you have successfully passed the online exam, you are then faced with driving instruction. And it’s not cheap. I have heard estimates of around 1800 euros for the driving school package. Then there is the time commitment of physically taking instruction and on-road demonstration of capability. Then, if you have successfully passed all the requirements, the auto-école will authorize your submission to the government for the permis de conduire.
If you hail from a reciprocating state, none of that is required: no exam and no practicum. You simply prepare a dossier with all the required documents and photos taken at a photomaton that gives you a code number so the photos can be accessed online by the agency in Nantes. These photomatons are in most shopping centers and the cost is only 5 euros. Then you submit the package to Nantes.
My legal US address in in the State of Florida which fortunately is one of the states that reciprocates with France. I am lucky.
My documentation was submitted in December 2019 for a French driver’s license via my departmental prefecture in Carcassonne in conjunction with my visa renewal. While I had the Titre de Séjour (the visa) within six weeks, I’m still waiting, one year later, on the permis de conduire.
I believe it was June, 2020 that I received a package from the agency in Nantes responsible for drivers licenses, passports etc. throughout the country called ANTS (Agence Nationale Des Titres Sécurisés). The package contained the dossier submitted by my prefecture in Carcassonne last December and asked me to resubmit online with updated photos. Apparently they are streamlining processes and moving to exclusive digital submissions. I didn’t dare ask why they couldn’t just digitalize my dossier. I just did it.
In August I received notification that my submission was confirmed and I was to essentially stand by. The big reason at this point is that France will check with the State of Florida to ascertain that my Florida license is valid and there are no judgments against me. Once confirmed, I understand it is just a matter of time. But this single agency in Nantes obviously has limited staff and their workload accumulates.
Technically because my Florida license doesn’t expire for 10 years, I have a valid license. But I must carry with me the récépisée (receipt) that I have submitted to ANTS so that, should I be stopped, I can show I have at least applied, my French license is in progress, and I am playing by the rules.
As far as taxes are concerned, I have an online account with the French government which links with the various internal agencies. One password and sign-in can take me to a number of places. The most useful to me (so far) is being able to pay my taxes online. My bank information is registered and I simply have to authorize payment for a specific date for it to be paid. Nice and easy.
With our lockdown during this pandemic, we also have an online resource to get attestations indicating where we are going, our time of departure, and reason for leaving home. Once the data is entered, a click on a button generates a PDF with a QR code any gendarme or police can use to access my form. I can quickly and easily do this on my phone and save paper. It is also programmed to save on my phone my particulars (name, address, date and location of birth) for future use. For the sake of privacy, this information and the forms are not saved by the government.
This morning I had another experience that I found interesting and actually inspired this post. I had received two packages that I needed to pick up at La Poste. I went with the email advising me of their arrival including the package codes and handed this over to the agent with my Titre de Séjour as proof of identity. He found the packages without difficulty, but told me that in the future, I need to include my full name for any purchases. “Tom” is not what is on my Titre de Séjour. “Thomas” is. He said he could deny giving me these packages because the name on the address label differed from the Titre de Séjour. For an American, this seems odd. But in France, nicknames are not used. You use your formal name. Period. Another lesson in playing by the rules.
I am in the process of renewing my visa once again as it expires in January and one is encouraged to re-apply two months in advance through their respective prefecture. For the first five years, the visas are issued for one-year periods. Therefore every year, one has to submit an updated dossier of documents to let the government know you are here, paying your bills and continue to have financial stability sufficient that you won’t become a dependent of the state. You must also stay out of trouble. At some point, your mairie (town hall) may be contacted to determine whether or not you are being a good citizen.
After five years, you can apply for a long-term Titre de Séjour of five and even 10 years. It seems to be arbitrary whether or not you get it. You might request it only to find you only get a one-year renewal. There is a cost savings to the longer time period because the payment for each renewal is close to 300 euros.
After five years of submitting taxes (also mandatory even if there is no income generated in France), one can apply for French citizenship, but that is a whole other story in itself about which I will write later. I am considering it, but we’ll see. One obvious advantage to French citizenship would be not having to renew the visa every year. But that is not a reason to become a French citizen.
Some might claim there is too much bureaucracy. As a non-citizen and essentially a guest requesting permission to live here, I don’t mind. I am grateful for the privilege and will do my best to do what needs to be done. I will also try to tutoyer Chantal all the time. But as I said, it really is hard to teach an old dog new tricks. Wish me luck!
This is very useful–clearly written and helpful. Thanks!
All this is true, but at Bernard has taught me, French people are also very habituated at navigating and negotiating these rules. I suspect that when bureaucrats hear a foreign accent, they act as though the rules are hard and fast. But I have been amazed at how many times I’ve said to Bernard that we have to follow a rule and he just laughs and negotiates around it with the fonctionnaire in question. I assure you that if Bernard had been at the post office, the fellow at the guichet would have been laughed at and chewed out. The French call it “la système D” (for débrouiller), and everyone does it here. I doubt it works for big things like driver’s licenses, but it sure does for small stuff. And I too have done it. When I arrived in France in 1984, I had a devil of a time getting a checking account. The guy at Société Générale insisted that as a young foreign woman they could open an account but not give me a checkbook (this was before most French people had their debit cards). I begged, whined, wheedled and insisted, and lo and behold, he gave in. We Americans are always taught to follow the rules and that if a bureaucrat says “no,” that’s it. In France, when a vendor or a bureaucrat says “no,” – their default response – that’s when the negotiations begin. Often you lose, but you’d be surprised how often you can wring a compromise out of them. And I think they are surprised if you take “no” for answer without remonstrating with them at least a little!
I’m learning! 😏
In France on my birthday, I bought a cake at la boulangerie. French friends came to celebrate. The cake was stale. I wanted to return it and complain. My friends encouraged me to. The next day I did and used la politesse. I was tenacious and that finally led to a refund.