Almost a year ago, I had the pleasure of meeting Gayle & Bernard. How we came to meet was a bit unusual. I was in Géant, my local supermarché, looking for horseradish. Every once in a while I get a taste for something I enjoyed in the US. It turns out it was a bit of a struggle to find it.
I scoured the condiment section in vain, then proceeded to the produce section thinking maybe I’d find it there. (The way stores are organized here is different from the US so one may find certain products in a variety of departments. ) Striking out again, however, I decided to ask someone French to see what I could learn about finding horseradish.
Seeing a woman intent on her shopping, I quickly found the translation (raifort en francais) and asked her where I might find it. I asked in polite French and she responded in English – with an American accent. And that is how I met Gayle.
Bernard, her other half, was off shopping in another area but soon joined us. I’m sure he was wondering who this guy was maybe hitting on Gayle, but as we spoke, it was clear that the meeting was innocent.
I learned they are both historians. Gayle hails from Vermont and is a professor of history at California State University Fullerton. She is in semi-retirment teaching part-time via the internet. Bernard, from Quebec City, Quebec, completed his doctorate in Paris some years ago and remained in France doing research for the Canadian archives largely focusing on the fur trade. Both specialize in 15th-17th century France and both are published authors.
For me, it was a gold mine. I love history and it was one of the motivating factors in my move to France. So I was thrilled to meet them. I gave them my card and asked them to be in touch as I wanted to continue the conversation and talk history.
Given travel commitments and calendars, we didn’t meet for dinner chez moi until November. It was a fun evening and reinforced my desire to get to know them better. Over the months we convened several times. As we came to know one another, I also discovered they enjoy renovation and are both quite talented. A visit to their home revealed a work in progress beautifully done. They even own a cement-mixer and have built their own garden walls!
As I have written before, finding good workers to get home projects done can be rather challenging. On one visit to my house, I pined about getting some drawers built in for linens to replace the space cleared by the removal of the fireplace. The man I had lined up had just sold his home and was, for the moment, without a workshop. Bernard offered to take on the project and the rest is history (see my last blog).
Bernard and Gayle met some 30 years ago while doing research in Rouen. Given personal and professional commitments, they remained friends over the years. A few years ago, things began to pick up and Gayle, nearing retirement age, became more mobile. Finally she landed in France and they recently decided to tie the knot. This happened yesterday.
The date was set a few months ago and they asked me to be a witness (un témoin). I was flattered and honored.
France is a secular state and most people reject organized religion. Keeping things secular, marriages are made at the Mairie (city hall). Should one want a religious wedding, that is done afterwards. But it is the official wedding at the Mairie that counts.
Witnesses are lined up – one for the bride and one for the groom. These witnesses need not be of the same sex. When they asked me to be a witness, I assumed it was to be Bernard’s Best Man. Wrong! I was to be Gayle’s witness! And his daughter, Elise, was to be his witness.
Imagine my surprise when and why I was asked to sit in the chair next to Gayle, not Bernard! I said to Gayle quickly figuring things out, “So I’m really the Maid of Honor!” She said, “Yes, is that a problem?” Jokingly I said, “No! I’m gay. I can do this!” We had a good laugh. And that is how I became Maid of Honor!
I was also in charge of music and brought my bluetooth speaker to play a processional and a recessional. I chose Rimsky-Korsakov’s Procession of the Nobles for the entrance and Noel Goemanne’s March per tromba e organo which I have played more often than not for weddings over the years. Both are great pieces and they fit beautifully,
There were about 20 people present for the wedding at the Carcassonne Mairie including friends from Ax-les-Thermes in the Ariège (a rather famous spa village in the foothills of the Pyrenées about 125 kms away), a longtime friend of Gayle’s from Cherbourg, Bernard’s niece living in Paris, his daughter Elise, and her boyfriend, Clement. The pandemic otherwise kept other family and friends from afar away.
Following the ceremony, Gayle & Bernard were presented with the signed documents and a copper medal representing the City of Carcassonne from the Vice-Mayor who officiated.
We returned to their home for champagne and light snacks. Neighbors were invited to come at 6 PM to join the celebration with a BBQ. For this I offered to make chicken skewers for which I fortunately found a good recipe last week in the New York Times. Marinated in Greek yogurt, cumin, lime juice, olive oil and garlic then basted with more lime juice, butter and tarragon, it was very tasty. I was pleased.
There must have been about 30 or so neighbors who showed up, some with children in tow. Dress was casual among all the guests (including shorts). As the evening wore on, some returned home to change in to even more casual clothing and the celebration continued.
Noticeably, very few people indulged in drinking alcohol. While we had a delightful champagne toast (with a choice bottle of 2003 Dom Perignon), people mostly navigated to polite conversation and water or soft drinks. It was very impressive as the focus was on socialization and, as always in France, polite conversation.
As what I thought was the responsibility of a “Best Man” when it came to the toast, I prepared a speech. Given that there were no anglophones other than myself, I first wrote it in English then with the aid of Chantal, polished my translation. I then practiced in front of Benoît (the artist who created the medieval enluminure for me). Both inputs were invaluable as my speech recounting how we met was comprehensible and well-received.
My gift to them was an enluminure on goatskin, again created by Benoît who lives in my village. There are few such artists in all of France and for many, it is a passion and a hobby. Benoît, a full-time gardener, does it well. It was the perfect gift for medieval historians.
Today I am left with very high spirits. It was a remarkable day and all went well. Gayle and I have discovered that we are both “planners.” All the planning efforts paid off and there were no untoward surprises. While it has been very hot here of late, we were graced with beautiful weather and a light wind to keep things cool. It was a great and memorable day.
It’s not every day a man gets to be a Maid of Honor. This was mine and I shall never forget it surrounded by newfound friends. And it all began with a search for horseradish which, by the way, I have yet to find in France.
So thankful for your wonderful commentary. As the “best friend” stuck in the states, it was almost painful to not be at the marriage…having known Gayle for almost 40 years and Bernard, a good bit of that. I was overjoyed when they committed to each other, sealed for real, yesterday. The pictures are gorgeous, the love and good times evident to all. Thank you for being the maid-of-honor; a most admirable position and well, an honor. I hope to meet you someday when I can come back to France after all the Covid is past. Congrats to the beautiful couple with memories of a fabulous day filled with love and laughter.
Thank you, Annette. I guess I was probably your stand-in given the circumstances. But it was indeed an honor and know that I did the best I could.
I look forward to your eventual visit. I feel fortunate that with Gayle & Bernard, come a number of their good friends. I’m a lucky guy!
What a sweet and touching story, Tom. Not many men can claim the Maid of Honor badge. Great photos. Love Gayle’s lavender matching mask. I’m loving your life in France as much as you are. Xxoo, Marilyn
Merci, Marilyn! I look forward to the day when you and Mike can come visit. Not only will you love the region, but we’ll make sure you meet my friends.
I love how you met Gayle in a supermarket only to become close friends. You have a knack connecting with people, Tom. We can all learn from your story-telling. You take such great care with details, whether the wedding gift, music or chicken recipe that perked my interest and appetite. A delightful anecdote. Kristin
Thanks, Kristin! Definitely a momentous day for us all with great memories for a lifetime.
I am Gayle’s older brother Robert. Thank you for the photos and first hand account of the wedding, since I could not be there!
You are most welcome, Robert. I am sorry you couldn’t be with us. It was a wonderful day. I hope to meet you one day.
Dear Tom, Mixed in with our great joy was a certain sadness that we could not be there in person. Your wonderful telling of the “story” has helped overcome all that. Thank you so much ! Very heartwarming for us to know Gayle and Bernard has such a good friend, “Maid of Honor” HA! HA!” nearby. Love, Bob and Joan Brunelle.
Thank you, Bob & Joan. (And I apologize for this delayed reply. For some unknown reason, a number of messages went to a spam folder and I am just seeing them today.)
Yes, it was a bit of a shock to learn I was the MOH, but we took it in stride and had a great laugh. In fact, we’re still laughing. It’s one we’ll likely never forget!
Dear Mr. Berry,
Thank you for a most delightful description of the fateful joining of my niece and her beloved with you. And for your rendering of the nuptials and reception. You made it seem as though I were almost in attendance. (And I truly salivated while reading your culinary creation!) Now, why is it that we have a photo of the “Best Man” but not of the “Maid of Honour”???
Plaudits for being such a good friend to M. & Md. Alllaire. They are very fortunate to have you in their world.
Oncle Maurice
P.S.: If you haven’t yet obtained some horseradish, let me know and I’ll send some posthaste from Nfld-Lab. Beef needs a little horseradish now and then, doesn’t it?
Cher Oncle Maurice, thank you for your kind message. I am glad you enjoyed my description of Saturday’s events. It was definitely a magical day and not without its funny moments. I’m sorry you couldn’t be here but hope once we get beyond the pandemic, you will have a chance to visit. It would be nice to meet you as I’ve heard so many great things about you. As far as horseradish is concerned, one of my visitors from the US brought some last October. I still have two bottles in my freezer. But thank you for the kind offer! Best regards.
I will keep you in mind, should the need arise. I always hoped you’d play the organ at my wedding, perhaps you’d could be the maid of honor as well. But, first things first, we must find the man.
Never give up! 😉
Thank you for the post Tom it was beautifully written. Lucky you to have been there. Gayle and I have been friends for a very long time. She is such a wonderful friend and I’m glad she is so happy. I think Bernard is definitely the man she has been waiting for her whole life and it is so awesome that it has come to full fruition for both of them.
Thank you, Rebecca. They are indeed a great match and I am delighted to have made them my friends. We have lots of fun to look forward to. Hopefully you can visit one day.
What a lovely story story Tom. Not only did Gayle get a Maid of Honor and music director, but catering help as well. I’d say that’s a beautiful friendship for all three of you. And, I feel very fortunate that I was introduced to Gayle through you. Seeing your interaction on Facebook I would have thought you had been friends for years and years. But isn’t that what we’ve all come to know about you. Anyone who knows you as a friend is fortunate indeed.
Thank you, Donna. En francais “C’est tres gentille.” (You are very kind.) They key is to surround yourself with good people. The rest just happens. We met 35 years ago on an AAPA committee. You were a sane and rational powerhouse then and I was delighted to get to know you. You are one of those good people and I count my blessings.
You are amazing and the perfect maid of honor!!! I’m positive they were as happy to meet you as you were to meet them. Love your heart!!!
Awwww… so sweet of you to say this. Thank you, Janna! xo
What a touching story!! And quite a way to meet!! Amazing how good friendships come about! And your telling of the story is the best part!!
Thank you, Nancy!
I loved the story of their wedding and the details of life in your region! You were not only a Maid of Honor but are truly a resident and treasured neighbor/friend at this point, congratulations! ❤️
Merci, chère amie!
Another gem, Tom!
Thank you, Greg!
Lovely pictures and a even more lovely story. Enjoying this blog. Hope to meet you one day when travel is again possible.
Thank you! I look forward to that!
Lovely story, long life of love stories like this one, i believe in love, let´s see if love believes in me, hahahaha…thank you for share your life in France, xoxo*
Thank you, Faby! We can always hope!!
Bravo! It only too courage to ask a question, and look where
it got you – to the altar. Congratulations to you all! Wishing
you all health and happiness. Dasha